ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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