but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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