does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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