if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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