if i can run in heels then i can drive
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
