i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
