I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
