I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
