I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
