Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
