Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
