This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
