Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
