I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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