So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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