So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
