so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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