I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
