When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
