i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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