I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Terrible idea I love it
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