My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sober January is a disaster.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
