i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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