Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
