Pappa wants mamma naked
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
