once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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