I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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