so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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