making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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