4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
