I want to stick my p in your. b.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
