Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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