Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
