It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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