: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
