My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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