took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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