to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
