Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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