She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
