Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
