I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
