the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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