Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
