Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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