apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
