Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
