I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
