Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
