It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
