got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
