I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
